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Mike Stefanidis' schedule for Mondays

5:10 a.m. Wake up.
5:12 a.m. Shave.
5:15 a.m. Shower.
5:20 a.m. Put on same old clothes and shoes.
5:25 a.m. Leave house before sunlight in order to avoid actually seeing what inside of house really looks like.
6:00 a.m. Arrive at work. Wonder if this is really worth it. Already know answer, but continue to work anyway.
Noon Open fourth Mountain Dew of the day. Wonder if I should drink this much Dew. Already know the answer, but drink it anyway.
2:00 p.m. Fourth old lady of the day bitches at me. Why is it always a woman? Already know the answer, but continue to work anyway.
4:00 p.m. Realize there are only three hours left of work. Start to have a moment of happiness, but some woman interrupts my thoughts to complain about something. Wonder how long I would go to prison if I killed a patient. Already know the answer, so continue to work.
7:00 p.m. Try frantically to finish up paperwork. Wonder if I should finish this sixth Mountain Dew before I leave. Answer is, "Of course."
7:15 p.m. Stop at Jack in the Box for two tacos, a Sourdough Jack and large Coke. See Phil just pulling out of drive-through as I pull up.
7:23 p.m. Arrive at Mark DeVol's house.
7:24 p.m. Enter at backdoor without knocking -- Only place I do this including my own home.
7:25 p.m. Greet fellow card players. Take a quick inventory of who is up and who is down. Inquire about how much everybody is in for. Give Frank that look that says, "Why are you sitting in my favorite seat?"
7:26 p.m. Ask Mark DeVol if this is five dollars in front of me. Already know the answer to that -- It's always five dollars. He's never miscounted, but have to check anyway.
7:27 p.m. Quick insult to Paul Huyser, and begin card playing.
8:10 p.m. Think to myself, "If I hear Mark Huyser say 'Yahoo!' one more time, my heart will explode."
8:14 p.m. Think that Warren has fallen asleep and then realize, no, he's just pondering how he would fare in a boxing match against his son Paul.
8:47 p.m. One-shot Mike Coyne in Pai Gow. Back to even for the night.
8:49 p.m. Mark DeVol calls Bloody Boy Low. Last game of the night. Hopefully will make enough money on side bets to offset losing to Phil's lucky draws.
9:10 p.m. Frank draws three kings to get wheel and beat Paul who is playing 6-4-3-2-Ace. Highlight of my night.
10:04 p.m. Count my money. Realize I'm up $42 for the night. Bloody Boy should end soon. Thank Mike Coyne for side bets.
10:08 p.m. Showdown. Wonder again why we don't put the damn one dollar in jackpot.
10:10 p.m. *
10:20 p.m. Take Mark DeVol's order for rolled tacos. Pretend I didn't understand it and then realize I really can't remember what he ordered.
10:25 p.m. Arrive at rolled taco place. Expect to get Hepatitis A. (Hope to get violent colon problems.)
10:26 p.m. Place order. Woman seems confused. Want to order Paul Burrito, but just can't do it. Receive order. Have to ask for extra red sauce.
10:35 p.m. Finish food. Banter is non-sensical as usual. Recap whole night's events and then say our goodbyes.
10:58 p.m. Arrive at home. Feed guinea pigs. Ponder all of day's events. Realize how bad my life sucks.
11:00 p.m. Set alarm for 5:10 a.m. Go to bed alone.
 
* First Monday of November, play Paul Huyser one grudge match of Pai Gow Poker. Win every hand. Gloat for a few seconds. Continue on with life.

Mike Stefanidis

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